I DO!... have some questions

Questions worth asking before saying I do

The following questions (in no particular order) should be considered, discussed, and prayed about before making the commitment and covenant of marriage . This is a great way to get to know the other person, and to reveal and reflect on the truth about yourself so that there aren't any surprises, down the road in marriage. Ask each other these questions, and honestly ask yourself the same questions. This will help you identify red flags, find things in common, establish healthy boundaries, or slow down future plans of the relationship if the other person or yourself are not whole in these areas. It will either confirm God's seal of approval, or reveal your need to find the nearest exit sign.

1. If I were to ask your closest friends and family what are your best and worst qualities, what would they say?

How do you think those qualities would become a liability or an asset for our marriage?

2.Submission essentially means being submitted to a mission above you. When is the last time you've been submitted to someone else's mission and for how long?

3. What have you been committed to for more than 4 years-? ie: a consistent job, school ministry, service to your community, parenting, etc.

4. Do you have a Spiritual covering or someone you seek for out for wise counsel?

5. Give an example of a time a leader gave you constructive feedback, what was it, and how did you respond?

6. Tell me about your upbringing? What did stability look like? Did you ever witness abuse in your home? Did you come from a single-parent home, divorced home? How do you think this has made/broken your ability to create and sustain healthy relationships around you?

Are there generational curses that you know need to broken with you?

7. What does self-care look like for you?

8. How do you handle conflict?

9. Stability and security- How have you provided stability for others and yourself (emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically)? How is independence defined for you and not always materialistically, but do you have your own car, own home, own bills, to where if we were to become one, could I trust that you could provide that for me, and we could have mature agreement about the affairs and necessities of our life as one?

10. How were you disciplined? Knowledge of this will always help you build an understanding of how you and your spouse can learn to coparent together when you have children collectively.

11. What does stewardship look like for you? How do you maintain your finances? Do you have a budget? Do you have debt? What is your credit like?

12. What are your love languages?( words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch) How have you responded in the past when someone has been unable to speak your love language?

Which one of these makes you feel most loved? Which one of these is the way you show love the most?

13. Have you ever struggled with any addictions in the past and how did you overcome that? 

14. Have you ever experienced sexual abuse at any point in your life, and how did you overcome that, or do you still feel impacted by it currently?

15. Have you ever struggled personally or been impacted directly by someone else with mental health concerns? How did you support or pursue healing for your self?

16. Have you ever been to counseling? If not, would you be willing to go to counseling if conflict ever arose in our marriage? - I highly recommend premarital counseling for all couples!!!

17. What are your Non negotiable's in your potential spouse- I suggest having a solid 5, anything beyond that can create limitations on the other person without ever giving them a fair chance.

It also can put yourself in this box of okay if I don’t find a person that has all these qualities, then I should just be single. This should not be confused for settling, it should be clearly understood as these five things I value so much that I won’t negotiate on them 

- is it faith 

- is it loyalty 

-is it a go getter

- is it looks 

- inner beauty? 

- someone who can be a great parent 

- has their own sense of self? 

- family oriented 

18. How has the marriages you’ve seen impacted you, and the way you show up in relationships both positively and negatively?

19. How do you respond when you are not your best emotionally, mentally, or spiritually? Do you shut down, do you write, do you workout, do you seek wise counsel?

20. What part did you play in why your past relationship did not work, and what actions did you take to try and find a resolve before calling it quits? 

21. Have you ever cheated? Have you been cheated on? What was that like?

22. How many sexual partners have you had in the past? Do you feel that you have divorced or broken the soul ties of those past relations and relationships?

23. Have you ever had an STD, STI, or participated in aborting an unwanted pregnancy?

24. (if applicable) How do you feel about being married to someone who already has kids?

25. What does your relationship with God look like? Do you consistently spend time in prayer, worship, word, and meditation? Are you currently a member of any church?

Do you feel as though you live a life that reflects the love of Christ- Do people know you're.a believer, or do you live a life that at times contradicts your spiritual and moral beliefs?

26. Describe the perfect date night. Describe your dream vacation.

27. Do you want a formal wedding? What would that look like for you?

28. Tell me about your family? Are you family oriented? How do you believe they would feel about you being married to me?

29. What does family time or hanging out with your friends usually consist of?

30. Do you want children? How many? If we were are ever unable to have children of our own, would you be open to foster care or adoption?

31. What is your greatest fear?

32. Do you have any people in the public light that you admire or seek inspiration from?

33. Have you ever dealt with anger or rage?

34. Have you ever served in a leadership role or consider yourself a leader? Have you ever mentored others? Give an example of a planted seed (wisdom or advice) that you have given to someone else, and the fruit (success, growth) that came from your seed in that persons life.

35. What are your spiritual gifts? Talents? Hobbies? How do you use these to encourage or help others?

36, Have you ever been to jail or do you have any kind of criminal history?

37. What is your most embarrassing moment?

38. How do you define joy? peace?

39. What are ways you show gratitude?

40. Can you cook? What is your signature dish?