SEX #Letstalkaboutit

Of course its no secret here, we're either doing it, talking about it, reading about it, or watching it. The sex culture is no longer a taboo, behind the door idea that you just stumble upon because it is literally all around us, so.... LETS TALK ABOUT IT!

Women are receivers and men are givers, that’s obvious, but do you know what you’re receiving and giving? 

What the word says 

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.- Ephesians 5:3

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.- Hebrews 13:4

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever since sexually, sins against their own body. - 1 Corinthians 6:18

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Matthew 5:28

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like pagans, who do not know God. - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Drink water from your own cistern,

running water from your own well.

16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,

your streams of water in the public squares?

17 Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers.

18 May your fountainbe blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

-Proverbs 5:15-19

The body is meant for the Lord. -1 Corinthians 6:13

As for you, be fruitful and multiply. -Genesis 9:7

This is no surprise here.... sex is a beautiful intimate exchange designed for a husband and his wife..... Nothing more,,, And certainly nothing less. God makes it clear in His word that sexual immorality (before marriage, adultery, porn, lust, etc.) are sinful, dark nature, and keep you from inheriting the fullness that He has prepared for you.

Sex is Dangerous

• Sex can be a tool of deception. Especially when it is done prior to marriage, it can harm the foundation of the marriage. The enemy is such a deceiver that he will make your desire for sex so amplified before marriage, and then sometimes decrease that same desire in marriage.  

• Sex can create toxic soul ties of the past that become dead weight for your future. Sexual and emotional soul ties from relationships without proper conviction and repentance can cause suffering towards your spouse without warning or consent. - This makes me think about a segment that Kirk Franklin did with John gray where he explains that in the first few years of his marriage he brought a lot of sexual luggage to the table. He literally said, "saying I do does not kill the demon and when you enter marriage that way it suffocates your bride." He later goes on to say that, " when he's involved in various ways with women before marriage, he's got five different women feeding five different appetites of his, and then bringing those five spirits and putting them on that one woman (his bride)." So he calls the process of eliminating that, "divine divorce". It is so deep and so dangerous. You can watch that whole video here.

• Sex can open a dark twisted path for pornography to dwell in, which can then lead to other sinful spirits such as anger, pride, lying, control, manipulation, and so forth. Pornography can also serve as a distraction that leaves your spouse as less desirable and can be an emotional gap filler for what you already have in the physical realm.

• Sex can be confused for love, and then have you making permanent life long decisions and mistakes over a temporary temptation.

• Sex can provide a temporary pleasure that yields a long term pain.

Sex is fruitful

• its a stress reliever

• It counts as exercise

• It builds your immune system- yes this is medically proven :)

• Sex lowers blood pressure and lowers the risk of heart attacks

• You make beautiful babies which is God's desire for continuing His Kingdom

• You experience a different level of intimacy

• Sex can serve as an act of worship and warfare to God, especially when the enemy tries to cause separation and division in your marriage, its a beautiful way to make a liar out of the enemy

• And.... it feels GOOD yeah (in my Tony! Toni! Tone! voice)

A little Q&A

- What happens when sex is no longer pleasurable/ isn’t your love language? 

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,and likewise the wife to her husband.4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.5 Do not deprive each other....

God placed the sexual nature of men and women deep on the inside of each to not only bring pleasure to one another, but to God. Now let's be clear, if any married couple says they've had sex every single day of their marriage, they are straight lying. It requires work and commitment from both sides, and even when you don't necessarily feel "in the mood" remember God's word says your body is not your own, and it is your duty to provide yourself for your spouse. Of course, I truly believe in the power of agreement, and do believe there should be some healthy dialogue between spouses when one may not be in the physical or emotional space to have sex.

-As far as sex not being your love language, I will say that I came from a fairly non-physically affectionate home, and so I naturally learned to show love in other ways. However, when I got married to someone who was extremely physically affectionate, I realized I had to be vulnerable and willing to learn how to speak his language for the sake of his needs. But again, it takes time, communication, and understanding.

-When cheating happens in marriage vs. dating, how do you forgive? Is it possible to move forward once that trust is broken?

---Okay so let me first start off by saying that I do not condone cheating of any kind, in any way. I have been in relationships where the other person cheated, and the emotions that come with that act, are some of the heaviest to overcome. So to answer the question of cheating while dating, whether it be physical or emotional, my answer is RUN! no really, do not settle for someone (man or woman) who will not honor you, your loyalty, your emotions, because that undoubtedly sets the precedence for those sinful immoral behaviors to show up again in marriage.

---As for cheating in marriage, it is clearly outlined in the word of God that adultery due to sexual immorality is a means for divorce. The Bible also tells us that he who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. - Proverbs 6:32 In knowing this, I can not advise you on what you should and should not do, for ultimately that choice is between you and God. However, you should aim to live a life that reflects his commands, and anything beneath that, should be beneath your standards for living as well. Once a person engages in sexual sin with another person they have opened the door for the enemy and his lies, and devices, to run ramped in your marriage. Once that trust has been broken, it can be incredibly hard and take blood, sweat, and tears to restore. And if the man has committed this sin, he is the one who will be held accountable to God.

So ultimately, I advise seeking wise counsel that aligns with the word of God, nothing is impossible, I have seen many couples, even recently JJ Hairston and his wife wrote a book about their marriage being a miracle after they both cheated on each other. God can do anything, however you should always know your worth because there are countless marriages that are thriving, and adultery has never been a factor. Husbands are called to love their wives, and wives are called to respect their husbands, so when you are tempted, just remember that regardless if you feel loved, or respected, you still are in a covenant with God, and will be held accountable.

Be mindful of the lust of eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life because these too, are devices that the enemy can use to influence you to commit acts against your spouse that are hurtful, perverted, and completely counteractive to God's intentions. In addition. know that cheating in marriage is not just the simple act of penetration, or oral arrousment, you can send pictures, or confide emotionally in someone deeply outside of your marriage and be considered an adulterer in God's eyes.

Remaining abstinent can it work and how?

-Absolutely! Abstinence is undoubtedly possible! Even if you have already had sex in your past and desire to start again, it is never too late. The best advise I can give for maintaining abstinence, is creating healthy boundaries and accountability, especially if you know this is an area that you really struggle in. Hang out with the opposite sex in groups, or public places, at appropriate times (while the sun is out), period. If a man or woman can not respect your stance on maintaining sexual purity then they can move right along. Sorry not sorry! The word says your body is a temple, and what better way than for you ,to show your appreciation to God, for how he created you than by saving yourself, and keeping the best part of you hidden, and on reserve for the right time. (It makes sex in marriage that much better, because it remains a mystery).Trust me it is actually more sexy when a person can stimulate your mind, and enhance your mind, spirit, and soul, without ever having to touch your body. it's a lost art these days, but its a worthy one!

Should you have sex while you are fasting?

----1 Corinthians 7:5 says, "Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again; so that satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The beautiful part about God's word is that it always provides a clear outline for how we should live. Here is a standard, but again I believe in the power of agreement and this being consulted between husband and wife.

How do you approach your children when you think they are having sex?

-While I do believe it is important to have healthy relationships with your children, I personally do not advice in forcibly demanding your children to tell you what they are doing. It is your right as a parent to know, absolutely! However as someone who taught sexual health education to teens in the past, the truth is, kids are being exposed to sex in more accessible ways than we ever have. They spend more time at school than at home which is an even bigger influencer and greater opportunity for accessing sexual content of all kinds. I do not advise in supporting your child’s decision to be sexually active, but I do advise comprehensive models that include educating them on the effects of unprotected sex including std’s sti’s (which are incurable) and pregnancy. The more you force them not to do it, the more they desire to rebel against it, so I do encourage open and honest conversations, and of course planting seeds of the word of the Lord and praying with your children and for your children as much as possible. Check their phones, and if you are a single parent, lead by example. 

Is it appropriate to ask questions about a man or woman’s sexual history while dating them if you plan to marry them? 

-Once an open and healthy relationship has been established it can be fair to ask questions for the sake of assuring there are no lingering soul ties and no unknown/known std’s that you may need to know about and protect yourself from. I also believe this a preference question and can vary upon different people. 

How can sexual assault, rape, molestation impact sex in the future? 

-I do not believe I am the best person to answer this question, however I will say that when you know that a person has been impacted by any of these unfortunate situations to be sensitive, extremely sensitive to their emotional and physical needs. Be willing to not only ask how you can support them if the wounds are there, and the best way to ensure wholeness between you two is to ensure that, that person gets the full counseling and support they need before being trusting and opening up their body in marriage. 

Recommended reads:

The wait: Devon Franklin 

Five love languages: Gary Chapman

Boundaries in dating: Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

Boundaries: Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

A celebration of sex: Dr Douglas Rosenau

The surrendered wife: Laura Doyle 

Love and respect: Dr Emerson Eggerichs

Pornography Addiction: Dirty Secrets the Porn Industry and the Devil Are Keeping from You: Vance Munson