The broken curse

For me, I had nooooo clue what being a wife really meant. I just knew I was in love, God revealed who my husband was and that was enough for me! When Alvin and I first started dating, he knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship because he would gracefully put his hand on my shoulder and I would flinch in fear as if it was a natural reflex.

But it was so much deeper than that. I had come from a broken home. My mother was abused, and deeply wounded in her heart and soul after experiencing a hard marriage and later divorce with my father . So from witnessing that as a little girl, I had this false notion of what love was and was trapped in a generational curse of a broken narrative of what the role of a woman in a marriage should be. Through multiple relationships, I lived rehearsing those same played out lines that my mother did, that if you really love a man, you ride it out, and stick it out no matter what. THAT WAS A LIE! And none of them were my husband, so that was a sho nuff lie! Those lies left me in an even deeper trap, finding myself engaged to my now husband, and having to press rewind completely, before I could ever press play, scraping deep beyond the surface to find truth in what loving a man from a whole place really looked and felt like. Even when my stepdad arrived on his magic carpet, and captured my mother’s once unbeatable heart, I still swore that even that kind of love was so rare that I could never get that lucky! From the good, bad, and ugly, there really are no limits to what God will do!

I was recently watching a sermon by Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church as he continued with his “Release” series (which I highly encourage you to check out if you’re expecting more in your life this year) Anyways, he mentioned something that confirmed the need for me to share my story with you today. He said “ My problem is His platform for His power to be revealed in my situation”. It hit me like a thousand bricks because if I can be real, when I have problems with my mental health, in my finances, in my parenting, in my marriage, on my job, the LAST thing I want to do is expose myself. It’s embarrassing, .... Like who sets their selves up for that? But what if the one thing you don’t want anyone to know, is the one thing God desires for you to share to unleash healing in someone else, or even just to unleash a breakthrough in your own life. Did you know the Bible actually says, “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. “

Some of you may feel stagnant or you’ve been working over time just to cover up and pretend that you’re okay, when you’re actually screaming out inside. You’re not okay. Maybe for others like me, you're trapped in a cycle that you didn’t ask to be in, but that’s just the way it’s always been in your family ... I know it’s ugly, I know you’re ashamed, I know that you ran to the church and they judged you.

So today I press rewind. It’s an uncomfortable rewind, though not nearly as painful as it once was, but it’s a necessary one. Why? Because I want you healed, I want you to be set free, I want you to feel empowered to break the curse plaguing your life, that is intending to destroy your children’s life before they even have a chance to understand what lies in front of them. Today I want you to walk away from this post declaring that the curse (whatever it may be) WILL be broken with you.

How it may start

“Baby you know I love you right” “You know I didn’t mean that, I would never do anything to hurt you” “Any man that would disrespect a woman like you is out of his mind” “It won’t happen again I promise”

What started as a little slick comment here and there, slowly but surely created a black hole in my soul. The manipulation, the lies, the deceit, it wasn’t always overt and in my face. Sometimes it was the time he didn’t answer the phone because of the infidelity that was taking place, but I just figured a woman’s place was to remain silent for the sake of protecting the peace in your home.

Sometimes it was the controlling factors of not wanting me to leave the house, showing jealousy, or slowly demeaning who I was and the way I looked.

Gradually it became a little more clear.

“Don’t worry whose giving it to me because you sure ain’t- (Well you’re right because I know you out here) “

Then eventually my name changed from Lia to b****, hoe, ... every curse word and anything in between. And I was the ball trapped in the middle of a ping pong game full of anger being played by satan on both sides of the net.

But it wasn’t physical so it wasn’t abuse right? Y’all I really forced myself to believe that lie. That abuse was only a black eye and bleeding cheek. That the name calling, manipulation, lies, and gut wrenching words did not qualify.

Just so we’re clear abuse is defined as cruel and violent treatment towards someone else, causing damage or harm, including speaking in an insulting or offensive way, regularly, or repeatedly.

And if you THINK you’re being abused there’s a 9 out 10 chance that you are! Don’t ignore it!

Once this happened, I knew I was investing in a business with no profit

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Somewhere along the way - IT WAS LOUD AND CLEAR

“No one will ever want you, if you leave me” “You’re lucky to be with me, you know how many women I could be with” “You’re worth nothing” “Shut up, stop doing whatever it is you’re doing and it won’t make me get to this point with you” “No one will ever believe you” “You’re the one that needs help not me”

It very quickly turned from verbal abuse, mental, and emotional abuse to a gradual physical release.

I remember this day more vividly than any other day. And actually quite surprised that I still have this picture in my phone. After an escalated disagreement, I was pushed down so hard, that the side of my glasses were left looking like this, I had the strength to get off the ground, but to no surprise, I still didn’t have the strength to leave.

I’ve had everything in the world thrown at me. I’ve been choked, slammed down, cornered in, physically thrown, and I’ve been hit all while staring bold face in the eyes of a devil I knew I would never defeat. By multiple men. And I never fought back. I was too weak right?

Some would look at the victim and say well what were you doing to provoke all of them. Others may say well you just kept attracting the same kind of men. I was young. I was naive. I did not know my worth. I was living the only way I knew how. And I wanted to be free. Somewhere that five year old little girl wanted to be free.

Do you know it took me almost 4 years to finally walk away from that viscous cycle that I kept reliving? I never had the courage. In the midst of losing myself, my greatest fear was losing them. Of being alone. Of not receiving “love” even if it wasn’t real, it was better than nothing at all. And no one really knew.... I couldn’t even tell my own mother because the devil kept whispering in my ear that no one would believe me anyway. You mean the same woman who had been through it all? But of course another part of the devils plan is to make you think you’re alone, like you’re enduring an isolated experience unbeknownst to anyone else in the world.

The torment in my mind sledge hammered my depression full throttle and suicide’s grip was not too far out of reach.

But thank God for second chances!

How it will end Every woman’s journey is different. All won’t begin the way my story did. Some won’t have to go through what I did. For others it may have been worse. But one thing I do know is for those of us who have overcome the horror of domestic violence, there are a few things I know for certain about how your story WILL end:

• By knowing you’re not alone Deuteronomy 31:6 says Be Strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them. For the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. In the midst of your battle, this verse may be the last thing on your mind. The devil will want you to believe you are isolated, but if you just dig this so deep in your heart, your confidence will grow day by day. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!

• By understanding that God is your defender You don’t have to raise a fist, you don’t have to say a word, what you do need to do is learn to surrender it all to the one who has the power and strength in the midst of our weakness. God has promised to fight every battle for us. And can I be the one to ruin the ending? HE ALWAYS wins. We are no good on our own, Trust me I’ve tried, I used to have the quickest tongue, and I always wanted to be Angela basset walking away from the burning car in Waiting to Exhale, but . That’s too much energy that I can’t afford to waste. - As I’ve grown I have remixed Romans 8:31, to say “honey if God is for you, who cares who is against you” & They sure won’t be getting away with anything, and we certainly don’t need to wish bad on anyone, vengeance is Gods! You good love, enjoy!

• By knowing that counseling is not only an outlet and release, but it is an anchor of true healing that your girl friends, no man, no lit situation, no turn up at the club, no drug, and no sex- no matter how good it is, can compare to. I don’t care how many times you’ve been to counseling and it didn’t meet your expectations, or didn’t even scratch the surface of your deep rooted wound, find another one. I don’t care how many times, you went and then allowed yourself to make the same mistake that you were seeking healing for, keep going. Keep going until the curse is broken. Keep going until the issue is no longer your handicap, but it is the fuel to your fire. Keep going until you can talk about the problem without having to feel the wounds it created. I know you swore you would never be open and vulnerable again, but if you’ve

• By declaring that you are Free and free indeed – Nothing deep, nothing mega spiritual just a daily declaration. YOU ARE FREE! Even when you FEEL bound, you are still free!

• John 15:2 says, He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. God wants you to live a fruitful life- one that replenishes and nourishes your mind body and soul, and continues to reproduce. But if you’re carrying around bitterness towards men, scars of abuse, the cycle of poverty, substance abuse, memories of molestation, depression, mental illness, etc., what seeds do you think you’re planting into your future, and into your children’s soil? I promise you it will rot your spirit and not sustain you. I promise it will rob your children of the innocence to live an abundant life. Girl please leave some room in that broken heart of yours to allow the one who created it to dig that poison out, and start tending to the areas in your life that are flourishing.

• You must know that God’s desire for your life is not just to live, but to live abundantly. That means, breaking down your small minded limitations, and actually seeing your dreams come true. Not pretending to be happy everyday, but actually overflowing with true joy. It’s a fullness in your soul that, when you do experience it, you would only stop settling for the counterfeit.

• Accepting the call that your Voice is necessary for the nations. While it’s painful in the process, the purpose of experiences as such can be used for something so much greater than ourselves, if you allow it. The word says, the only way that we overcome is by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. When you make it through, don’t keep it to yourself. Be empowered as the strong, powerful, and beautiful woman that you are, to speak your truth, and maybe even heal someone else in the process.

I don’t know when is the last time you’ve heard this but you are worth it. Your children are worth it. Your future is worth it. You are strong. And there is no curse, no bondage, no abuse, no disappointment that will keep you down. I don’t care how it was for your mom, or your grandmother, or your crazy auntie still living in her own torment. No sis for you, you will be the one to change that narrative, you will be free indeed, and the curse will break with you!

Freely yours, Lia Hill- Stribling

If you want to be free but don’t know where to start, start by saying this prayer with me.

Jesus

I invite you into my life. I know that you died on the cross so that I wouldn’t have to. Resurrect my broken heart, my tormented mind, my physical wounds, and my blinded vision. Don’t just show me where this may stem from but uproot it out my life. I speak directly to the generational curse of_______, and I render it bound and defeated in the name of Jesus Christ. Capture my unbelief of what you will do in my life. Silence the lies of the enemy and restore my value and self worth. God your word says that you desire for us to not only live, but live abundantly and that’s what I desire for my life. Save me from this abuse, and set my life on track to live according your will for my life. I surrender all that I am to you and I trust that you will protect me from all wicked and demonic attacks. Remove any man or woman who is causing physical, mental, emotional abuse in my life.. I relinquish control because you are my defender. I declare peace in your son Jesus name that surpasses all understanding. Place wise counsel and professional medical help in my life that will urge me to heal me from the inside out. I am an overcomer. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am beautiful. And I am free and free indeed in Jesus name amen.