Through it, not around it

Killing the toxic cycles in your life

A quick reminder if you feel like you keep finding yourself back where you started in an area of life

3 Ideas

1. Accountability

- The importance of unity, fellowship, and agreement is so essential for humanity. God created the church, marriage, feasting traditions, and so much more to help us understand how much we need others in life, especially when we are going through hard times. He even says from the very beginning, that it is not good for man to be alone because the enemy can use isolation for its advantage.

- This does require boundaries - misery loves company so pay attention to those who are complaining when you’re complaining but not celebrating when you’re celebrating. Your surroundings shouldn't also be a straight cheering squad either, you need some people who will call you out when you're wrong, God corrects those He loves too.

- One way I learned about true accountability after I failed miserably at it, was by asking myself, does what they say align or contradict to what I already believe:  For example, are they quoting scriptures on Monday and then cussing on Thursday?  That’s contradicting.

Also are they living in the truth that they are sharing ?- are they saying steward your money, while they’re out spending theirs carelessly? Or asking you if they can borrow a couple dollars later on?  This may also be a great time to get some professional guidance - and I know most people’s objection is I don’t have time or money. Make time, and make sacrifices, or find yourself right where you are next year. 

My true suggestion is a solid 3- wise counsel, professional counsel- if you can get a two in one, that’s even better, and a peer counsel- not a yes man or a hype man, but a mirror. Someone who lives and leads a life that reflects where you should be going and not where you’ve been.  - Also know yourself and what you can handle. My go to is shutting down, because pretending and exuding strength even just for a few moments is exhausting for me. I have amazing friends who don’t care about me not answering, they’ll call again the next day, but you also have to be willing to not walk alone.

2. Acceptance

- If you’re a blame shifter, or a runner, or an avoider this is the place where you have a seat

- I recently shared this story in my post about worry, but I want to share it again:

As I came across this story about the people of Israel who worried in the wilderness, it made me think about this runaway spirit, or shut down mentality that I had adopted when things got hard in my life. The reason being, was that's what was modeled for me, for so long growing up. When one thing piled up after another, and when I had the option to trust God through it, sometimes I didn't always choose that option. In those moments, where I was uncomfortable with God ultimately testing my faith, I wasn't thinking about trusting God, I was thinking about defending myself. It was easier for me to think about the good old days, or how good things used to be, that as my mind wandered back to those spaces, I became less and less interested in being present right where I was. Avoiding what was going on, was the easiest way to not have to accept where I actually went wrong.

Ask God to expose the truth about you, that you've been avoiding.

Let me give you an example. If you feel singled out at work by your boss, instead of pointing out their problems, go to God and ask him to humble you, and show you what is it about your actions or perspective that may be causing the same interactions with this boss. You may find that it is actually you, and not always them.

This might be a great time to ask God to get you some gorilla glue, and have a good seat in front of a mirror.

-As God exposes those truths, sit with them, repent, and confess those mistakes and weaknesses to someone else so that you may be healed. This is where you get vulnerable with yourself, and others, if you need to. This is where you also acknowledge the people who will keep being hurt by your mistakes, if you don't take the time to change.

If you have a problem with pornography or lust, and God is clearly showing you this, use the accountability He gives you, to block the websites, get off of social media where the temptation lives, and ask God to take you back to the experience, maybe in your childhood that exposed you prematurely and robbed you of your purity.

This may be the place where you write out your struggles on a piece of paper and write a verse next to it, that not only helps you face it, but combat it with the word of God.

Example: - Lord I talk too much, which leads me to gossip, this led me to ruin a really great friendship because now I can't be trusted. - Pray Psalms 141:3 "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord, keep watch over the door of my lips."

Go back to the rape, go back to the gambling problem, go back to the arguing, go back to the time you ran away, go back to the words they spoke over you that were never true, go back to the disappointment, go back to that bottle of alcohol, go back to those spirits, go back to those friends, go back to that church, go back to that family member, go back to all those one night stands, go back, go back, go back and relive it, all of it, every memory, every word, every feeling, sit with it, and this time long enough, so that you don't have to relive it again. Go back until you view it as a blessing not a burden. Go back until it doesn't dictate or make excuses for how you make decisions, or treat people now. Go Back.

3. Time

- Take your time.  Okay I’ll admit once I realize what I’ve done wrong in a situation, sometimes I feel like I have this supernatural strength of redemption and reconciliation. Like as soon as I mess up, and see my wrong, I'm going to come back to you, say sorry and hope we can move on, but sometimes people need more time and space to process situations than you do. You may acknowledge that you are in fact wrong, but miss the actual lesson, or root of why you continue to inflict the same pain on others, So instead of taking your time to figure that out, you anxiously, by your own strength, rush into a different relationship or situation inflicting the exact same pain, and triggering the same cycle that you thought you escaped.

God clearly tells us there’s a time for everything.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

When we rush prematurely into situations that we are ill- equipped for, we end up having to work overtime to nurse the brokenness that you didn't address before, as it resurfaces in a new light. This could be in any area of your life, ( Grief, financial loss, disagreements, betrayal, infertility, divorce or a hard break up , rejection, substance abuse).

Work your waiting- this is where you begin to activate your faith 

The people of Israel were not just sitting in a wilderness waiting on God to work miracles while they just chilled, they were still working, still moving and when God gave the next direction they moved WITH him to their next destination. God would go ahead of them and show them the way. Which ultimately proved that waiting requires faith, beleieving in what you cant see. Two things, they did not wait for God to do the work- you can't be lazy, suffocated in lack, or blinded by pride, shame, and guilt of the past, this keeps you stagnant. They allowed God to lead. They traveled at night and day - pillar of cloud by day and fire at night. So imagine if in their waiting they became impatient —-you know, went on ahead without direction. What if they became distracted —-you know spent more time on social media, than in their word. They would’ve had to find their way back to where they started. 

So work your waiting 

This is where you pray and meditate- I heard it explained best when it was spoken that prayer is what you say to God, and meditating is what He says to you. Often times, we pray and then go about our day without waiting for God to respond.

This is where you journal - releasing your mind of the constant thoughts, and freeing up space to process each one.

This is where you go back to the places and the memories, you avoided so that you didn’t have to relive the pain it inflicted. Going back isn’t always about pain, as you mature it’s often about perspective  - for the people of Israel they may have been complaining in the wilderness but I wonder what would have happened if they paused and didn’t look at their current position as a place of pain, but looked back at the real pain they experienced in Egypt, and looked at their new position as a place of purpose. Sometimes we have to go back to those places to see where God has brought us from.  Sometimes we need to remember the miracles on the other side of the last mountain, or for the people of Israel on the other side of the sea that God parted. And this is why I say exchange worry for gratitude. 

This is even where you rest, because work on an empty cup becomes bitter busyness and not productivity 

This is where you stop hanging around and receiving dead advice from people who were meant to be lessons not lifetimes, even if they are your family.

Turn off your stop watch of expectation for God to serve you a microwavable miracle, that leaves you hungry, and let your waiting do the transformative work that will serve you a feast that you, and everyone around you can enjoy for the years ahead.